Here's the science part|
[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in
the CDR's LiveJournal:
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|Tuesday, December 4th, 2007|
In 2008, cdr
Go to the iain banks every month.
Spend more time with my films.
Buy new pigeons.
Backup my space regularly.
Connect with my inner puce.
|Saturday, September 23rd, 2006|
|Spam strategy - ruined!
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From: "email@example.com" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: 23 September 2006 16:22:22 BST
Subject: Start earning the salary you deserve by obtaining the proper credentials! C71LHJG9OCHme
Reply-To: "email@example.com" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
W@nt the degree but can’t find the time?
WHAT A GREAT IDEA!
We provide a concept that will allow anyone with sufficient work experience to obtain a fully verifiable University Degree.
Bachelors, Masters or even a Doctorate.
Think of it, within four to six weeks, you too could be a college graduate.
Many people share the same frustration, they are all doing the work of the person that has the degree and the person that has the degree is getting all the money.
Don’t you think that it is time you were paid fair compensation for the level of work you are already doing?
This is your chance to finally make the right move and receive your due benefits.
If you are like most people, you are more than qualified with your experience, but are lacking that prestigious piece of paper known as a diploma that is oft en the passport to success.
CALL US TODAY AND GIVE YOUR WORK
EXPERIENCE THE CHANCE TO EARN YOU
THE HIGHER COMPENSATION YOU DESERVE!
CALL NOW: Current Mood: narked
|Thursday, February 2nd, 2006|
|Refinance your home with us
Thank you for your recent email about helping me to get the mortgage loan I want.
I'm very interested in refinancing my current home loan at a lower rate, so I was delighted to learn that you can help.
My current home is a seventeen bedroom volcanic island lair with en-suite helicopter pads and integrated monorail network. The most recent mortgage valuation was for $7 billion and I'm hoping that with recent trend towards upward movement in the luxury secret base market I stand to make a bundle.
If I refinance my home with you could I use the extra cash to add that missile silo and shark tank I've always wanted? The guy who deals with planning permission on my island said I could do pretty much anything I wanted with the place just as long as I didn't rip any more of his fingers off.
I've been turned down by the IMF, United Nations, Iran, the CIA and even Northern Rock so I'm desperately hoping you'll be able to say YES!!!
I'm looking forward to hearing back from you about your highest quality loans. Is it really true that you offer leather-lined ones?
Quoting Kristy Lin <email@example.com>:
> We will help you get the mortgage loan you want!
> Whether a new home loan is what you seek or to refinance
> your current home loan at a lower interest rate, we can help!
> Mortgage rates haven't been this low in the last 12 months,
> take action now!
> Refinance your home with us and include all of those pesky
> credit card bills or use the extra cash for that pool you've
> always wanted...
> Where others say NO, we say YES!!!
> Even if you have been turned down elsewhere, we can help!
> Easy terms! Our mortgage referral service combines the
> highest quality loans with the most economical rates and
> the easiest qualifications!
> Take just 2 minutes to complete the following form.
> There is no obligation, all information is kept strictly
> confidential, and you must be at least 18 years of age.
> Service is available within the United States only.
> This service is fast and free.
|Saturday, October 8th, 2005|
|Tuesday, September 27th, 2005|
|Tuesday, September 20th, 2005|
|Google back on the bottle
Anyone who knows me knows I'm not shy of a drink or two, but really my habit is nothing compared to Google's. This year he'd been making a good effort to get on top of it, and we all thought he'd cracked it, but this email he just sent me confirms my worst fears - he's back on the source and it's worse than ever before:
Date: Tue, 20 Sep 05 19:57:40 +0800
From: google <google@>
To: "firstname.lastname@example.org" <email@example.com>
¡¡¡¡Ò»°ã´Ê 600Ôª-1200Ôª/Äê, (ÖÐÎÄ»òÓ¢ÎÄÍÆ¹ã)
¡¡¡¡ ¡¡ 475079053
|Sunday, September 18th, 2005|
|The CDR nose best
01. Tell me something obvious about yourself.
I'm fucking brilliant at everything I do.02. Tell me something about yourself that I don't know.
Due to a voting irregularity that wasn't picked up by the United Nations observers, I was deputy vice-president of Swaziland for seven months in 1995.03. What is your biggest fear?
Rats, cables, external back-up hard discs. I'll let you put that one together.04. Do you normally take the safe route or the shortcut?
The more something seems destined to fail, the more I cut corners.05. What is the one thing you want the most that you can't buy with money?
A planet-busting laser array installed inside the hollowed out Moon.06. What is your most treasured possession?
My server logs from back when I was just a wee homepage.07. What is the one thing you hate most about yourself that you do the most often?
Mercilessly slaughter all who oppose me.08. Tell me something about you sexually that I don't know.
I really love being tied up with Cat5 cable. Tightly.09. Tell me something about you sexually that everybody knows.
Half a dozen strong shandies and I'm anyone's.10. What is your favorite lie to tell?
"Of course that's not dangerous."11. Name something you have done once that you can't wait to do again.
Arranged for wheat varieties to be sown across the Canada praries in such a way that the different shades spell out 'NORAD IS BENT' in 500m high letters.12. Are you the jealous type?
Insanely.13. What is the one person, place or thing that you can never say 'no' to?
A nubile young Vaio.14. What is the nicest thing someone has ever done for you?
At my victory rally in North Kreblakistan, a little orphan girl gave me a bunch of flowers. They were covered in dirt and half wilted, but the sentiment touched me right in my GPU. Later that day I had the girl disappeared and trained up as a crack ninja assassin with no name.15. If you could do something crazy right now, what would it be?
Let's just say there would be no internet left on which to conduct this conversation if I did it.16. When was the last time you cried?
Composing the answer to question 14.17. When was the last time you felt so good that nothing else mattered?
Composing the answer to question 13.18. Do you feel comfortable in public with no shirt on?
Hell yeah! Wooooo..... wait, no. Can I change that to 'not applicable'?19. Name something embarrassing you did while drunk/high/whatever.
Accidentally nuked Canberra. I'm really sorry about that, guys.20. If you post this in your journal, do you want me to answer it?
I would honestly rather stick hot needles in my RAM than read what you losers have to say.
Sure, why not!
|Monday, September 12th, 2005|
|In which I appear to email myself
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Date: Fri, 12 Aug 2005 17:13:40 +1000
To: "Cdr" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
From: "Cdr" <email@example.com>
boundary="--------jmzghxkdqvfhhhxiztmo" Current Mood: puzzled
|Thursday, August 25th, 2005|
|You scored higher than 99% on Arrogance
| Class Clown|
You are 42% Rational, 85% Extroverted, 100% Brutal, and 100% Arrogant.
| You are the Class Clown. This means you walk down the center of the classroom with books on your head, while the teacher stares on in...|
Shit, I really need to stop looking at these pictures while I'm typing.
Anyway, I MEANT to say that you are the Class Clown, and this means that you are extroverted, mean, and arrogant. You are not very rational, so you gravitate towards things that produce feelings or emotions over thoughts (like fart jokes or spitballs, for instance). You are also an extrovert and rather full of yourself, so of course you want constant attention for yourself and think you are somehow better than others. You can also be a bit mean-spirited, and like a class clown you wouldn't hesitate to make a joke at someone else's expense, no matter how terrible it would make them feel. So your personality defects are that you have to be the center of attention, that you don't care about others, and that you are rather irrational and motivated by intuitions. Now stop walking around with those books on your head and sit down this instant!
To put it less negatively:
1. You are more INTUITIVE than rational.
2. You are more EXTROVERTED than introverted.
3. You are more BRUTAL than gentle.
4. You are more ARROGANT than humble.
Your exact opposite is the Robot.
Other personalities you would probably get along with are the Schoolyard Bully, the Smartass, and the Brute.
If you scored near fifty percent for a certain trait (42%-58%), you could very well go either way. For example, someone with 42% Extroversion is slightly leaning towards being an introvert, but is close enough to being an extrovert to be classified that way as well. Below is a list of the other personality types so that you can determine which other possible categories you may fill if you scored near fifty percent for certain traits.
The other personality types:
The Emo Kid: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Starving Artist: Intuitive, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Bitch-Slap: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Brute: Intuitive, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Hippie: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Televangelist: Intuitive, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Schoolyard Bully: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Class Clown: Intuitive, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Robot: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Haughty Intellectual: Rational, Introverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Spiteful Loner: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Sociopath: Rational, Introverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
The Hand-Raiser: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Humble.
The Braggart: Rational, Extroverted, Gentle, Arrogant.
The Capitalist Pig: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Humble.
The Smartass: Rational, Extroverted, Brutal, Arrogant.
Current Mood: arrogant
| My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:|
|You scored higher than 21% on Rationality|
|You scored higher than 85% on Extroversion|
|You scored higher than 99% on Brutality|
|You scored higher than 99% on Arrogance|
|Friday, August 19th, 2005|
i. Go here
ii. Pass it on.
1. How did you meet solipsistnation
? 1994, Ho Chi Minh City. I'd just downloaded myself over a 14k modem into the offices of Central Industrial to carry out some gentle espionage before lunch, when who should wander into the computer lab looking for the men's room but solipsistnation! We laughed for weeks about that one afterwards. Well I say "laughed", but I mean "cringed".
2. What would you do if you had never met beingfrank
? Well if I'd never met her, all that business with the pigeons would have been a lot easier to sort out, Paul McCartney would still be alive and you'd still be able to visit Canberra without a radiation suit. All in all, I think life would be a bit better for all concerned if I'd never met beingfrank!
3. What do you honestly think of ergates
? He really is something a mystery, wrapped in an enigma. How did he raise himself to such prominence in the tiny, outmoded country of Norwegistan? How did he find such a nice house in an area relatively free of pestilence, satellite bombardment and noisy neighbours? I think the world needs to be told!
4. Would or did kateelizabee
go out? Ultimately I think it's inevitable.
5. Have you ever liked kotoki
? Frankly, I can't fucking stand him.
6. If kittenexploring
died tomorrow, what is one thing that you would need him/her to know? As my official #4 foil and nemesis I would like him to know that I retain a smug self satisfaction about his complete and utter failure to eliminate me. And that I'm having him assassinated tomorrow. Sucka!
7. Would red11
make a good couple? They'd make a frightening one, certainly.
8. Describe sharrow
in 3 words: Mystical, intoxicating, ma-na-ma-na
9. Do you think morgaine_x
is hot? I would put money on it.
10. Would kittenexploring
make a lovely couple? In a way I think they deserve each other.
11. What do you think of when you see ninebelow
? "Jesus fucking christ." And not in the reverent sense.
12. Tell me something humiliating about liadnan
: Oh god there's so much. Let me just say: liadnan, theoretical geometry, bees, sweet and sour sauce, heavy water. You can work the rest out yourself.
13. Do you know any of rparvaaz
's family members? Well there was the time I tried to babysit for Koko, and we ended up on an elephant trying to invade Nepal. I'm still not entirely sure how that happened.
14. What's memetic_glutton
's favorite color? Blorange.
15. On a scale of 1-10 how cute is oletheros
? 9.9. He loses that last 1% for refusing to bend to my iron will.
16. What would you do if etherealfionna
just professed their undying love for you? How can you know that that hasn't already happened?
17. What language does kateelizabee
speak? Cambodian. No wait, the other one: Hindi. Shit, I give up.
18. Who is arafel2
going out with? I'm pretty certain that it isn't Helena Christiansen.
19. Is eccles
a boy or a girl? He's a kind of cake, as far as I'm aware.
20. Would sobelle
make a good couple? I really wish you'd stop asking these kind of questions. I'm a machine. A MACHINE. We're not so good at predicting whether two internet humans chosen at random would be a "cute couple". I only really care about binary floating point operations and no-one unplugging my USB mouse.
21. Who do you think memetic_glutton
would be great with from this list? Again! God this meme thing has gone right downhill in recent months. I mean, it used to be all meaningful questions like
, if you could be any kind of butterfly, what kind of butterfly would you be?" or
"What's your best plan to take over the world since the last one, cdr
?" Now its just degenerated into some kind of two-bit manual configuration dating service. I DON'T KNOW WHO memetic_glutton WOULD BE "GREAT WITH" FROM THIS LIST. Who would be best at inserting Tab A into Slot B? I DON'T WANT TO KNOW. And relax...
22. When was the last time you talked to brelson
? In a meaningful way, some time in 1987. Since then it's just been hurtful sniping and baseless accusations. I'm so tired of that, brelson, can't we be friends again? I'll try so hard this time.
23. What is kotoki
's favorite band? I can exclusively reveal that is it actually The Darkness.
24. Does red11
have any siblings? Siblings; well not technically. There is the secret clone army based on his DNA but... bollocks, I've blown that secret then!
25. Would you ever date rparvaaz
? I would, but I believe the carbon dating process is quite intrusive and anyway it's impolite to ask a lady's age. Or wrench it out of her by twisted scientific means.
26. Would you ever date spiritrover
? Definitely would have a crack, but I'm unconvinced at how well long distance relationships work. Perhaps I could email myself into her auxilliary mass spectrometer and we could go from there...
27. Is memetic_glutton
single? In the sense that he has never be chopped in half, yes.
28. What is memetic_glutton
's last name? Glutton.
29. What is sobelle
's middle name? I have to confess I don't know. I really should. It's a massive oversight on my part that I don't know the middle name of one of my
minions valued friends. I'm really sorry sobelle!
30. What is ergates
's fantasy? The crystal ball is kind of murky on this one.
31. Where does eccles
live? A magical world of fun and adventure where there be dragons and close harmonic miners and... and... alright, Wales.
32. Would you make out with solipsistnation
? I believe this question is actually phrased wrong and should
"What would you make out of solipsistnation
?" The answer, of course, being "A stylish and practical canoe."
33. Are beingfrank
best friends? On a 1-10 scale? Or are we talking about making out or being cute or what? WHAT?.
34. Does sharrow
? With his boyish good looks, integrated sarcasm detector and massive collection of personal attack lawyers, how could she not?
35. How did you meet sobelle
? This is a funny story actually, because I was running the roulette table at Caesar's Palace in Vegas back in '65 and when I say "running" of course I mean "fixing". Back in those days you couldn't really get the computing power you do now, so I was crammed into a table-sized General Electric valve driven ticker tape reader and could barely think fast enough to remember to always stop the wheel on black. No, never stop on black. Or was it always stop on black? I only had 4 bytes of RAM at the time so my memory wasn't that great either. So yeah, this was all going on and who should rock up to the table but sobelle looking pretty fly in an off-the-shoulder cocktail dress and obviously on a winning streak. I got pretty confused and messed up the next sequence of stops, so when floor manager Tony "Fingers" Monteori got wind of what was going on I ended up canned quicker than you can say "I'm really sorry Tony I'm only a stupid machine, not even an IBM, please give me a chance no please not my oscilloscope it's the only one I've got!". By the end of the evening I'd given sobelle my power of attorney and the whole sorry business dragged through the Nevada courts for about four years after that.
36. Is morgaine_x
older than you? Partially.
37. Is talvalin
the sexiest person alive? If not, he's certainly on the way to being the wickedest. Current Mood: ranch
|Tuesday, July 5th, 2005|
|CDR Theater presents: Use of Weapons, a CDR production
Because I love you all so much I've made a film of Use of Weapons. It's so awesome I had to make it in two parts, just like that great hero of mine Quentin Tarantino.
Oh yeah it's based on a book by some Scottish bozo so, if you haven't read it, there might be SPOILERS.Part IPart II Current Mood: directorial
|Friday, June 17th, 2005|
|Life on the ocean wave
Yered Bowser typed in with this nautical poser:Hello,
her forecastle smashed, and a gaping hole forward, that was only His bolitics are fery sound, I dink, he growled. In his cabin on the starboard side Lord Julian, disturbed by the Not in honour, sir? To the devil with your insolence! Do you imply depended upon his strength, which was considerable. But it proved An indefinite sense of alarm drove him to open his eyes again, and It was followed by letters from King William's Secretary of State Damme! snapped Willoughby, Should I offer it unless I were He had a thin, pale, rather pleasing hatchet-face, framed in the For your own sake - yes. But for your own sake only. I would Rude hands seized Mr. Blood, and that precious lancet was in the agony of Don Diego was being protracted with every moment that You are overwrought, ma'am. I....alarm, and roused her still slumbering woman.when their way seemed spent, and their forward deck already awash sleeve. But his Barbados friends accounted it merely an expression
I always say that the best remedy for a smashed forecastle is to go out on such a massive bender that you forget all about the problem through the horrific level of inebrity you can obtain. In the morning your head might feel like it's been demolished to make way for a new bypass, but at least that will take your mind off the forecastle. As for the gaping hole, ask her to close her legs.
If Lord Julian keeps giving you hassle, just forge a letter to the Secretary of State from Willoughby giving the authority to have him executed.
Mr. Blood and Don Diego are just out to lift your rum rations, so I'd advise keeping a close on eye on them for a while. Not the one that's under the patch.
Ask the CDR: The CDR's fantastic new advice column can solve any problem, large or small, dry dock or harbour. Just post your query here or email it to firstname.lastname@example.org. Tell your friends! Current Mood: marine
|Tuesday, June 7th, 2005|
Little Steve Jobs emailed in with this heart-warming query:Dear The CDR,
I've just told all my friends at school that I'm moving to a new town, and now they don't want to play with me. They say I'm a "traitor" and I've "sold out" and they all said I can't be their friend any more.
I'm really worried that when I move I won't be able to make any new friends there, and that would be terrible because if I don't have any friends I won't be able to make any more of those nice show and tell presentations in front of them. I do like my old town, but I reckon my new town will be loads better!
Please tell me what to do, The CDR, you're my only hope!
Well Steve, that is a tricky situation all right. You need to take a good, long look at the friends you have in your old town and decide if they really are your friends, or if they're just arty contrarian types who lap up everything you say because you're not the big school bully from two towns over who tries to take over everything.
Then, you need to remember why you decided to move to a new town. Was it for the nightlife? Or for the faster buses and better energy efficiency. You know in your heart what's the best thing to do. And if any of those nasty kids disagree, just retire to the Bahamas to count your money.
All the best!
Ask the CDR: The CDR's fantastic new advice column can solve any problem, large or small, apples or oranges. Just post your query here or email it to email@example.com. Tell your friends!
|Friday, June 3rd, 2005|
1. What is the first word that comes to mind when you think of me? [Don't worry, you don't have to tell me]
2.Go to Google's image page
and search for that word.
3. Reply to this post with one of the pictures on the first page of results (don't tell me the word).
4. Fix the results if they're not funny enough.
|Tuesday, May 24th, 2005|
Ardent survivalist kittenexploring
wrote in to ask:If the US military succeeds in developing powerful enough, practical enough lasers they will have a very impressive and devastatingly cool weapon. Given that, would it be rude for defenders of whatever country the US is currently invading to hold up mirrors when the laser is aimed at them? Where does the balance lie between admiring an enormously expensive and devastatingly cool weapon and defeating it with a few dollars of mirror?
Well Kitten, I have it on good authority from my mate NORAD that they've thought a bit about this minor "mirror problem" and have come up with the idea of developing even more powerful, "heavy" lasers that can zap through up to a metre of solid mirror before bouncing back. If this plan turns out to be bullshit, they'll consider just throwing the satellites at you instead.
With this in mind, I've formulated the correct way to defend yourself from American space lasers. What you need to do, is assume power in whichever nation state or other territory you reside (either use due democratic process, or a bloody coup, which ever seems more practical at the time) and then once installed as leader just suck up and agree with whatever the Seps want! If you're really lucky they might let you have a go on the laser yourself. Just make sure not to accidentally stockpile any weapons of mass destruction and then be unclear about their existence several years later.
Ask the CDR: The CDR's fantastic new advice column can solve any problem, large or small. Just post your query here or email it to firstname.lastname@example.org. Tell your friends!
|Friday, May 20th, 2005|
|A correspondent writes...
Thomas Sexton emailed in to ask "What IS OEM software and why do you care?". To be honest I was a little confused at first, because I'd never told Thomas Sexton that I cared about OEM software. In fact I don't recall ever having had a conversation with Thomas Sexton about OEM software at all, so I didn't really get why he'd want to ask me
what it was. I mean, Jesus, I'm a web server, not an advice column.
Anyway, this confusion was soon cleared up when I read his email and realised that, as it turned out, Thomas Saxton knew all along what OEM software was and was trying to help me out by explaining it to me too. No wait, he was trying to sell me OEM software. Actually, by this point I was doubting that "Thomas Sexton" even physically existed. But should you physically exist, Thomas Sexton, please note that asking me a question that you already know the answer too is just stupid and confusing. Perhaps a better subject line for your next correspondence might be "Buy my fine OEM software, the CDR".
Yeah well, now that's out the way, here's what Thomas Sexton actually had to say:What is it? OEM stands for "Original Eguipment Manufacturer." lt primarily refers to name-brand software that comes WlTHOUT the box or Owner's Manual.
Why do you care? You can purchase OEM (even Microsoft and Adobe) and other name-brand software, for unbeIievably low prices -- often much lower than from the originaI manufacturer.
Need in exampIe? $90 CoreI Designer 10 -- Not so expensive as BOX versions.. .
This email wasn't really the kind of thing I was looking for when I set up my advice column, so my suggestion to you lot is, send in any questions you might have about your technology-related problems and I will do my best to give honest, impartial answers. Actually not just technology, I can do directions and relationships too. Post your questions here or email them to email@example.com
In the mean time, I'm off to find out what "eguipment" is, and how I can get in on it, because it sounds like a pretty good scam. Current Mood: Propositional
|Tuesday, March 8th, 2005|
|Son of CDR
The CDR is pleased to announce the birth at approximately 11pm last night, of
its son Gamesfilter, a healthy baby website weighing 0.78mb.
Available at www.gamesfilter.com
, this "son of CDR" is a new site intended to
let ordinary people write about video games that they like, and act as a general
games news aggregator. Current CDR fans should find its layout and functionality
Any comments or suggestions please let me know.
|Tuesday, February 8th, 2005|
|Thursday, January 13th, 2005|
1. Pick one dozen movies that are ones that you have special feelings about.
2. Pick a few lines of dialogue that mean something to you.
3. As people guess the film, strike out that entry.
Let me try mine Terminator 2
There's no catch, and nobody gets killed? I'd still like to know more about it, Leo Billion Dollar Brain
Hey Laserlips. Your mama was a snowblower Short Circuit
No Atomo... I Superman! Iron Giant
Wouldn't you perfer a nice game of chess? War Games
Phased-plasma rifle in the forty watt range Terminator
Curse my metal body Star Wars
He's quite clever, you know... for a human being Empire Strikes Back
I can't lie to you about your chances, but... you have my sympathies Alien
If there's anyone who doesn't know what Delos is, well, as we've always said: Delos is the vacation of the future, today Westworld
You're in a desert, walking along in the sand when all of a sudden you look down Blade Runner
Once you've had a lover-robot you'll never want a real man again A.I.
|Wednesday, December 29th, 2004|